Andre's Giant Snake Problem
by Bob Wright
Summary: Adapted from the classic golden age feud.  When Jake the Snake learns of Andre's fear of snakes, he decides to use that fear to drive the Giant out of wrestling for good.  NOW COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

ANDRE'S GIANT SNAKE PROBLEM

BY

BOB WRIGHT

AUTHOR'S NOTE: As noted in the log line, this story is adapted from the actual Jake-Andre feud of 1988-89, only with the roles reversed. I hope that this tale may give us all the strength to overcome whatever fears lurk in our minds.

All wrestlers' in-character personas are registered trademarks of World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. And now, sit back and enjoy the story...

* * *

><p>NOT THAT LONG AGO, IN AN ARENA NOT THAT FAR AWAY...<p>

"They're packed to the rafters here and cheering away like there's no tomorrow, as the World Wrestling Federation proudly brings you the final installment of Saturday Night's Main Event for this calendar year. Hello once again, Vince McMahon here with Jesse 'the Body' Ventura, and it really goes without saying, Jesse, that this past year was yet another watershed year in the history of the World Wrestling Federation," the clean-cut TV commentator turned to his more sloppily dressed color man.

"And as usual, McMahon, the pleasure was all yours," Ventura grumbled, "What is this now, three years that Hulk Hogan's held the gold? If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's sitting on it as long as he can, and WWF President Jack Tunney's just sitting back and allowing him to do it."

"I don't know how you come up with that opinion, Jesse; during his entire reign to date, Hulk Hogan has gone well out of the way to defend the title as often as possible. And don't you think your attire this evening is in poor taste?" McMahon frowned the Body's T-shirt, enscribed with the words SANTA IS A BIG FAT HOAX, KIDS.

"Hey, it's a free country, and I can say whatever I want, especially if it's the truth," the Body declared defiantly. McMahon rolled his eyes in disgust. "And speaking of world title defenses, the Hulkster will in fact make his final regular title defense of this year later on tonight's program against the Honky Tonk Man inside a steel cage," he told the viewing public, "Tonight is also the debut on prime time television of the younger brother of Intercontinental champion Bret 'Hitman' Hart, 'the Rocket' Owen Hart, who you saw a glimpse of at the recent Survivor Series; Owen has been signed to a deal by the WWF, and will make his debut on Saturday Night's Main Event against 'the Natural' Butch Reed. And speaking of the Hitman himself, he will also be defending his title, this time against Adrian Adonis, managed of course by Bret Hart's former manager of no relation, Jimmy Hart. And the tag team the Mouth of the South sold out the Hart Foundation for, the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, will have their first shot at the gold against reigning champions Legion of Doom."

"About time the Rougeaus finally got a title shot; they've more than proven themselves worthy, and as all-American boys, they're the type of champions the people can really rally around."

"They're not all-American boys; simply moving to this country does not make one a true American, especially people who use the despicable tactics the Rougeaus often resort to. First on the card tonight, however, we bring you this king-sized match, Andre the Giant versus 'Ravishing' Rick Rude, and Jesse, I'm really interested how this match will pan out; although both men were on opposing teams at the Survivor Series, they never were actually in the ring together during that match due to Rude being the first on his team eliminated."

"Yeah, well that was a fluke; he got caught up with how beautiful Elizabeth is for just a split second, and it cost him."

"We shall see; let's go down to ring announcer Howard Finkel with the call for our opening match of the evening," McMahon turned in his chair towards the ring as the bell rang and Finkel hefted the microphone to announce, "The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Coming down the aisle with his manager, Bobby 'the Brain' Heenan, from Robbinsdale, Minnesota, weighing 251 pounds, 'Ravishing' Rick Rude!"

"Bobby Heenan looking a lot more confident tonight than when we last saw him at the Survivor Series, where both his men on the main event team, including Rick Rude, were eliminated early," McMahon noted.

"Those were freak accidents like I said; Heenan usually rebounds from defeat quite nicely, and it stands to reason he'll have Rude-winner of the Jesse the Body Award at the Slammies, I may add-ready to go for this one," Ventura eagerly plugged his own award.

"And he'd better be for this one, given his opponent is more than...oh not this again," McMahon rolled his eyes again as Rude grabbed the microphone in the ring. "Cut the music," he ordered the sound technicians in the booth. "What I'd like right now," he addressed the crowd, "is for all you fat, ugly, horse-faced, holiday-hungry hicks to try and control yourselves while I take my robe off and show the ladies what the truly sexy body of a giant killer looks like. Hit the music."

"He can't call himself a giant killer when the match hasn't even started yet," McMahon complained.

"Well he's a better opponent than Andre gives credit to, and I wouldn't be surprised if Rude pulls the upset here tonight," the Body countered.

"Rude now doing those hip movements that safe to say many in here find very off-putting; the Giant should be on his way in any minute now..." McMahon turned towards the tunnel right as Finkel in fact announced, "And his opponent, from Grenoble in the French Alps, weighing 476 pounds, here is the Eighth Wonder of the World, Andre the Giant!"

"Here comes the big guy now; Andre with that determined look on his face as he heads towards the ring, slapping hands with everyone along the aisle; the Giant has defeated hundreds of men over the years, and tonight he clearly hopes to add Rick Rude to that list."

"Well, McMahon, I predict Rude will prove you quite wrong."

"Only time will tell. Andre's in the ring, there goes the bell, and we're underway. Rude coming straight at Andre, swings a hard blow to the chest-but Andre picks him up around the waist and hurls him halfway across the ring!" McMahon proclaimed, accompanied by half the arena cheering loudly, "Andre the Giant dragging Rick Rude backwards and now the big elbow drop into the chest. A cover: one, two...last minute kickout by Rude. Andre whips him into the corner; Rude tries desperately to get out of the way, but the big splash by Andre. Andre turns around and now ramming the rear end into Rude repeatedly; a look there at Bobby Heenan, who's looking very nervous; so far his man's shown no offense whatsoever."

"Hey, it's still early; Rude has plenty of time to come back in this one."

"Rick Rude looking dazed as Andre finally relents the bumps; Rude whipped into the ropes, he ducks under Andre's boot, rebound off the far ropes-but smashed down hard to the mat by a tremendous right hook! Andre waving his hand over his head to get the crowd pumped up, which they certainly are, and now picks Rude up and slams him down hard! Andre sits down hard on Rude's back for another cover; this could be it...!"

"No it's not it," Ventura shot back as Rude just barely got the shoulder up.

"A big smile on the face of Andre the Giant, who's clearly having fun tonight. Rude thrown hard into the corner again; he looks completely out of it already. Andre with another splash, and Rude crumples to the mat like a rag doll."

"I might consider stopping the match now if I were the referee, before Andre kills Rude."

"Heenan sweating harder now, and now he looks absolutely panicked as Andre with a tremendous suplex on Rude! Another cover: one, two...again Rude survives, I don't know how he's taking all these and surviving. Andre calm, cool, and collected, and now trying a...wait a minute, what's Heenan doing now?" McMahon frowned, "Bobby Heenan frantically waving back at the curtain; has he got...wait a minute, here comes Jake 'the Snake' Roberts up the aisle," his frown deepened at the sight of Rude's teammate in the Million Dollar Corporation trudging towards the ring with his pet's bag slung over his shoulder, "Jake the Snake coming down to ringside; this cannot be good."

"Well you can't blame Heenan; with all the punishment Rude's taking right now, I'd put any backup plans into effect if I were him," Ventura laconically opined.

"Jake the Snake handing a reluctant Heenan Damien's bag, and...oh no, what's this, he's grabbing a steel chair. Jake Roberts slithering into the ring, runs up behind Andre, and nails him with the chair in the back of the head!" McMahon groaned, "There goes the bell; an obvious disqualification for Rude for outside interference..."

"Oh OBVIOUSLY," Ventura grumbled, "Not that Andre went too far in beating Rude to a pulp or anything..."

"Andre enraged, turns around and decks Roberts hard!" McMahon roared along with the crowd, "Andre now picking Jake the Snake up over his head and hurls him clean out of the ring; that chair shot hardly hurt him at all!"

"Well, maybe Plan C then if Heenan has it..."

"Wait a minute, Jake Roberts taking the bag back from Heenan and opening it up; Damien is about to be unleashed here. Jake Roberts with his pet in hand, now back into the ring, Andre turns and...and wait a minute, he freezes up. Ordinarily he'd be moving in to..."

"Look McMahon, Andre's scared of the snake," a grin was spreading on Ventura's face.

"I think you may be right, Jesse, a look of terror starting to spread on the Giant's face at the sight of Damien in Jake's arms...yes, I think he's petrified! Andre raising his arms as Jake slowly steps towards him, thrusting Damien forward; someone should get in there and stop this...!"

"Why, Jake isn't hurting anyone right now..."

"What's the matter, big guy?" a cruel smile was spreading on Roberts's face in the ring as he slowly stepped towards a cowering Andre, "Afraid of a little snake? Why don't you meet Damien up close; he's not going to bite..."

"No!" Andre frantically waved his arms, his eyes glancing around wildly for an exit of any kind, "No, don't...!"

"Aw, can't stand the sight of you, can he?" Roberts snickered to his python. "Yeah, it's amazing what fear can do to the best of us, huh?" he laughed coldly at the Giant, making him recoil with another thrust of his pet, "One moment we're on top of the world, and the next, we find we're nothing. Terrible, isn't it, to know you're a smaller man than you think..."

"Keep it away!" Andre, backed into the ropes, waved his arms wildly.

"Oh I'm not going to hurt you, big guy; trust me. _Trust me..."_ in a flash, Roberts stepped forward, and...

"LOOK AT THIS, JAKE THE SNAKE THROWING DAMIEN ONTO ANDRE; ANDRE CLUTCHING HIS CHEST; HE'S TURNING WHITE WITH TERROR!" McMahon gasped in shock, "Andre the Giant collapsing to the mat, Damien slithering all over him, and...Jesse, Andre is not moving," it was his turn to turn white, "Andre the Giant is not only out cold, I think he may have just suffered a heart attack...!"

"Well I call it justice, after everything Andre did to Rude," Ventura sharply countered.

"That was part of the match, Jesse; Jake Roberts had no business coming down to ringside and interfering in the match, and then doing this. Roberts coldly kicking Andre, who doesn't move at all; this is serious, this is very, very serious, ladies and gentlemen. Somebody get medical crews down there quick...!"

"Hold your water, McMahon; I see the training staff coming out there; if I were them, though, I'd handle Rude first; he took a tremendous beating in there..."

"A heart attack, if that's what it was, trumps anything Rude went through, Jesse! Bobby Heenan dragging the defeated Rick Rude out of the ring, while meanwhile, Jake the Snake standing over Andre, holding Damien high in triumph..."

"And he should be proud; he felled the Giant, and that's not easy by any stretch..."

"Medical crews trying to drag Andre the Giant out of the ring; it's taking every last one of them to move him. Andre remains unconscious; Jake the Snake laughing coldly at his fallen foe as he's loaded onto a gurney outside the ring. I'm getting word from our director to go to commercial, so we shall do that, and bring you any news on the condition of Andre the Giant as it becomes available..."


	2. Chapter 2

"...Andre? Andre, come on, please wake up..."

The Giant's eyes fluttered open slowly, revealing his fellow members in the Mega Powers Rock 'n Wrestling Connection gathered around him, looking concerned. "Where am I?" he slowly started to rise.

"Take it easy there, Andre," Bret Hart put a hand on his shoulders, "Doctor's orders are that you stay in bed and rest up for a while."

"What doctor?" Andre's eyes shifted around the hospital room he seemed to be in, "How did I...?"

"They took you there after you had that heart attack in the ring, brother," a worried Hulk Hogan informed him, "I never could have guessed you'd be that scared of snakes, Andre..."

"Heart attack?"

"Brought on by complete shock when that snake Roberts dumped his Damien on you," Davey Boy Smith reminded him, "You've been out for close to four hours now; we were starting to get worried..."

"I feel fine," the Giant insisted, starting to stand up, "I'm going to find Roberts and...!"

"Andre, no, you can't," a deeply concerned Miss Elizabeth gently pushed him back down into the bed, "The doctor said you need at least a week in bed without any scares until he's sure your heart's back to normal; none of us want to see anything else happen to you."

"And don't you worry about Roberts; I'll skin him good for this, big guy, and make sure he knows full well he can't do this to one of us and get away with it, yeah!" Randy Savage declared, pounding his fist firmly.

"Randy, it's not going to solve anything to go after Jake for this," his wife tried to dissuade him, "Jack Tunney will make sure he's fined and maybe suspended for it; just let justice work out on its own."

"Well, if you say so, Elizabeth," the Macho Man conceded with a somewhat disappointed expression. "Like my partner in the Mega Powers just said, Andre, I'm a little surprised you'd let Damien get you like that..."

"It was nothing, really, nothing," Andre insisted firmly, "Just...just brought back some memories..."

"What kind of memories, Andre? You've had a bad encounter with a snake before?" Bret inquired.

"Uh, no, but..."

"Andre..."

The Giant sighed and took a deep breath. "I was eight," he recollected, his face scrunching up in pain, "It was summer in the Alps. I was out playing with some friends in the hills. We'd been rolling in the grass, and one of the boys had lost some of his spare change. I went around looking for it, turned over this large rock, and..."

He shuddered deeply. "You were bitten by a snake that was underneath it?" Hulk raised his eyebrows.

"I must have startled it," Andre grimaced at the memory, "I screamed loud enough to wake the entire village below-and luckily a few of my friends' parents came running up to see what was going on. They were able to get me to the hospital in time to get me detoxified before the venom caused any lasting damage, but ever since then, I...I can't go anywhere near a snake without the memories coming..."

He couldn't finish. "I'm sorry, Andre," Bret told him sympathetically, "But you do know that not all snakes are bad, right?"

"I could have died, Hitman..."

"My father always said, Andre..."

"Another Stu Hart saying, Hitman?"

"Yes, and it's that fears have to be faced at some point, or they'll eat us up alive. I learned that when the neighborhood bullies ran rampant on our family during Stampede's down years for being poor. When I finally stood up to the worst of them, he never bothered me or my brothers again. Maybe you can do the same with snakes, so that Jake can never do this to you again."

"And if he does, we'll make good and sure he won't, yeah," Savage cracked his knuckles firmly, "Just try not to worry about this, Andre, this ain't gonna happen again..."

* * *

><p>"So, the great and mighty Andre the Giant is deathly afraid of snakes," the silhouetted form of Don Kennedesco Vincenelli watched the footage of Roberts's Damien assault on Andre on the TV in his darkened office. "You may just have opened a can of worms that can be used to our advantage here, Mr. Roberts," he told the Snake without turning around.<p>

"I'm just as surprised as you, D.V.; I had..." Heenan started to say from his own armchair.

"Don Vincenelli, if you don't mind, Mr. Heenan," the don corrected him firmly.

"Sorry, Don Vincenelli; I was saying, I didn't expect Andre to completely fold like that, did you guys?" Heenan glanced at his fellow Million Dollar Corporation managers in their own armchairs; they all shook their heads in unison. "So, anyway," the Brain continued, "We should take pride; we drove the Giant clean out of wrestling, and that's one less Mega Power flunkie to worry about..."

"Not true, Heenan," the don's nephew Stefano spoke up from the corner, "Our guys got the hospital reports; Andre'll be out in about a week if his heart holds up, and knowing him, he'll try to come back for his fans."

"And I say, let's be there waiting for him," Freddie Blassie declared firmly, a dark smile crossing his lips in the darkness, "Now that we finally know what that big galoot's weakness is, I say we exploit it for all it's worth, and make sure that from now on, wherever he turns, he's going to see snakes and lots of them until he does quit wrestling for good. What do you say, Don Vincenelli?"

"I like it, Freddie, I like it," the don took a puff from his cigarette. "Mr. Roberts," he turned partially towards the Snake in his own armchair, "I'm putting you in charge of scaring the Giant out of the wrestling business. He's one of the biggest pillars of Jack Tunney's family friendly product; get rid of Andre, and we're a step closer to reshaping the WWF my way. So, if you have any ideas on how to go from here..."

"Oh, Damien and I have LOTS of ideas on how to go from here," Roberts snickered, holding up his python's head and nodding at his pet, "In fact, I think Damien would like to invite some of his friends to participate in this charade as well."

"His deadly little friends too?" Paul Bearer raised a knowing eyebrow.

"Yep, Paul, his deadly friends too, including Macho Man's worst enemy," the Snake laughed hard.

"Good. Then go ahead and get rid of the Giant for good if you can," Don Vincenelli instructed him.

"Trust me, Mr. Vincenelli," Roberts laughed again, colder, "_Trust me..." _


	3. Chapter 3

ONE WEEK LATER...

"...and now, ladies and gentlemen, another installment of Piper's Pit!" declared the PA announcer. Roddy Piper quickly jogged through the archway into the replica of the main leisure room of the ancestral Piper family castle back in Glasgow. "I'm sure most of you were watching last week," he told the crowd with unusual solemnity, "And you saw a good friend of mine be scared almost literally half to death by that coward Jake Roberts. I know you've all been worried about his condition, much as I have. Well, he appreciated all the get well cards and everything else he got, and he is in fact healed up, and is my guest today, so, give a big hand for the return of the Eighth Wonder of the World, Andre the Giant!"

Andre did in fact get a strong ovation as he stepped through the archway, waved to the crowd, and shook Piper's hand. "Now, Andre, the doctors say you are cleared to wrestle again, right?" Piper asked him.

"That's what the man said," Andre nodded with a grin, "Just take it easy and avoid any big scares; he'll keep tabs on me from here on at regular intervals, but I'm good to go."

The crowd let out another loud cheer. "Well, Andre old buddy, I don't think anyone of your dimensions would have to worry about overexerting one's self against most opponents," Piper cracked, straining to glance up all the way to Andre's head, "And I'm willing to wager, Jake's going to wish he'd never brought Damien out of that bag when you do eventually get him one on one, am I right?"

"I'll tell you one thing, Roddy; Snake Roberts, your days are numbered," Andre pointed straight into the camera, "You've caused me great grief, but what goes around comes around, and...!"

"You know it's not proper to talk bad about someone behind their back, Andre?" came Roberts' unexpected voice from behind. The Snake slipped out from behind the archway, several bags in hand, a long black glove on one arm, and grinning darkly. "What the hell do you think you're doing here, smart guy!" Piper upbraided, "I sure didn't book you on Piper's Pit this week, and I...!"

"Let's get one thing straight, Piper; I never have been and never will be intimidated by a man wearing a skirt," Roberts barked at him, making Piper roar in rage. "Well, well, the mighty Giant couldn't disappoint his fans despite having a major heart attack," he sneered at Andre, "Can't say I'm the least bit surprised, but you should know that you just made a colossal mistake in wanting to go another round with me, big guy."

"I'll go with you any time, Snake Roberts, with or without your little friend-whichever bag he's in," Andre glared at the multitude of bags in Roberts' hands.

"Yeah, and you don't know which one Damien's in, do you?" Roberts raised his eyebrows, "And that's half the problem; the unknown is a major factor in fear, after all; men do not understand what they don't know, and it consumes them. Well, I'll let you have a free pass, Andre my friend; take your pick, which bag is Damien in? You get the prize of whatever's inside."

"I don't have time for your games, Roberts; I have a match to get ready for," the Giant quickly brushed past him and left the set. "Yeah, you can run, but I'll be right there behind you the whole way," the Snake shouted after him.

"All right, all right, since you're here, might as well ask: what is your problem, buster?" Piper upbraided him, "Have you no remorse whatsoever that you might have killed this man with that little stunt you pulled with your little friend?"

"It's not my fault he couldn't handle Damien, Piper," Roberts retorted sharply, "I'm not the one who cowers in fear before a simple creature. Of course, there's others like Damien who have eyes for the Giant..."

"OK, OK, hold it right there," Piper waved his arms wildly, "Sorry interrupt, but I have a no psychopaths clause in my Piper's Pit contract, so I won't allow...!"

"You trying to kick me off, Roddy? I'll leave when I'm good and ready," Roberts shot back, "In fact, since I know everyone wants to know, let's see what the mighty Andre would have won if he'd taken the chance to spin the wheel of fate," he started untying one of the bags, "So, Andre," he glared into the camera, "So you know, our paths will cross again, and it might not be Damien in the bag that time. It could be, for example, this guy," he hauled an oversized python out of the bag, "Damien's big brother, Lucifer, and let me say, he's got Damien's mean streak, taken to the tenth power; you certainly don't want to cross his path. Or," he stuffed Lucifer back into his bag and opened up another one, "It could be this western diamondback rattler," he shook the snake's rattle ominously, "Responsible for more deaths than any other snake in this country. Or, it could be this New World pit viper," he hauled out another specimen, "You certainly don't want to make him mad. Or, maybe it'll be the krait in this bag," he held up another, but chose not to open it, "Now his poison's almost universal fatal even with anti-venom, just like I am. Or, maybe it'll be this anaconda," he dug out the biggest snake yet, "Squeeze the life out of you before..."

"All right, that's enough, I want your extended family out of here, Jake; you're scaring the kids, you're being a...whoa!" Piper jumped back in shock as Roberts abruptly thrust the anaconda square in his face, "Don't do that! I hate it when you do that!"

"Then maybe you rather meet this guy face to face instead?" Roberts held up one last bag, a black one with a red cobra head on the side, "You'd probably recognize him at first sight; he's the one I introduced to your life partner Savage a while back, Piper, and let me tell you, he's been eager to meet him and that dog Elizabeth again since then; tell me when I..."

"I SAID GET YOUR FRIENDS OUTTA HERE!" Piper waved his arms like a windmill, "I do lots of things, but I don't waste my time listening to the pointless blatherings of a lady with a mustache!"

The crowd roared in approval at the putdown. "That's all for Piper's Pit this week," the Scotsman turned to the camera, "Sorry things went crazy here, but I..."

He didn't get to finish, for it was now that Roberts picked up a chair in the corner and smashed into hard over Piper's head, sending him sprawling. The Snake then hooked the host into position under his arm and drove him hard into the mat with a strong DDT. "As I said, Andre," he picked up the microphone and shouted over the boos raining down on him, "It could be anything in the bag when we meet next, even _this_," he held up the king cobra's bag and shook it menacingly, "And sooner or later, you are going to have to spin the wheel and take the chance on what's inside. Trust me. _Trust me..." _

He picked up Damien's familiar bag from the set, opened it, and dumped the python on top of the prone Piper. "You call me a lady, Piper, you get bit," he snarled contemptuously at the Scotsman, then gathered up the rest of his snakes' bags and pushed his way past the officials running in to aid the fallen Piper, not bothering to look back.

* * *

><p>"You sure you're OK to go out there, brother?" Hulk asked Andre with a concerned look at the curtain later in the afternoon.<p>

"He's out of the building, isn't he, Hulk?" Andre forced a smile.

"Well, he is out of the dressing room..."

"Then I don't got anything to fear," the Giant said firmly. He stared through the curtains towards the ring, where the massive Earthquake was just about finishing his pre-match stomping ritual. "OK, I'm going in. Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Hulk patted him on the back. Andre took a deep breath and started up the aisle, a firm look on his face. "A strong ovation here for Andre the Giant in his first match back after his hospitalization," McMahon proclaimed from the broadcast position, "And clearly the fans are glad to see him back as well; many of them along the rails shaking his hand as he goes by."

"But I think Andre's still making a big mistake," Ventura opined next to him, "He's coming back way too soon, and Earthquake's way too good an opponent to face right off the bat."

"Andre wouldn't have signed this match with Earthquake if he wasn't completely sure he was ready. Andre headed towards the-look out, here comes Earthquake from around the ring, and the Walking Natural Disaster nails the Giant from behind! But Andre doesn't go down, and he turns and gives Earthquake a blow back as the bell rings. Both men whaling away at each other outside the ring; the count already being laid on them..."

"They don't care, McMahon; these two don't like each other at all, and they want pieces of each other, and them some."

"Earthquake grabbing a fistful of Andre's hair and smashing in into the steps into the ring. Jimmy Hart urging his man on through that cotton-picking megaphone of his; Earthquake obligingly slamming Andre into the ringpost and now rolls-no, Andre reverses and shoves him down! The Giant stomps on Earthquake's chest; the count is at seven, they need be careful here. Andre hurls Earthquake into the ring, and starts to climb-from behind, Jimmy Hart grabs the Giant's leg and tries to keep him outside the ring; come on! Earthquake charges forward and gives a hard right cross...that hits his own manager instead! The Mouth of the South down to the mats and Andre now in the ring-and he flattens Earthquake to the mat with a tremendous clothesline, WHOOOOOOOOOAA MYYYY!"

"Wow, I am impressed, McMahon, and I don't impress easy; I NEVER thought anyone could get Earthquake off his feet like that."

"If anyone could, it's the Giant; Andre off the ropes, drops the leg on Earthquake, and the cover; this'll do it...!"

"No it won't," Ventura snickered as Earthquake kicked out at the last possible moment.

"Andre whips Earthquake hard into the corner, here he comes at full speed-yes! Earthquake looking dazed; Andre whips him into the other corner, and here he comes again..."

Suddenly Roberts' voice rose up over the loudspeakers. "Hey, Andre," he barked coldly, making the Giant stop in his tracks in the middle of the ring, "Yeah, you," the Snake hissed softly, "Like I said earlier, you can run, but I'll always be there; I'm everywhere you look..."

"What is going on here!" McMahon demanded, his eyes darting all over the arena, "Jake 'the Snake' Roberts already had his match for this episode of Superstars of Wrestling; he's not even supposed to be in the building right now; where is he!"

"I'm everywhere," Roberts hissed again, as if answering McMahon's question, "And you don't know when I'm going to strike, do you, Andre?"

With an almost panicked expression, Andre quickly climbed out of the ring and started throwing up the covering, as if he was convinced Roberts was hiding under the ring. "No, I'm not there," the Snake laconically drawled, "I'm where you'll least expect to find me, big guy, just biding my time. A snake always moves at his own clip, but when he wants to strike, he'll strike, and there's nothing you can do to stop him when he does. I'll be watching, Andre; I'm always watching..."

"Andre the Giant looking very unnerved, now checking under the timekeepers' table, although from our position, I can see there's no one under there," McMahon craned his neck for a better view, "Jake the Snake somehow going over the airwaves in here to send his message to Andre..."

"Well then that makes it obvious where he is, McMahon; Andre ought to go up and check the sound booth."

"He couldn't...wait a minute, Earthquake coming up from behind with Jimmy Hart's megaphone in hand, and a huge blow to Andre's head sends the Giant down!" McMahon roared, "The Mouth of the South handing his man the bell, and Earthquake bashes Andre with that as well; now he's rolling into the ring; the count is at eight, nine...!"

"It's over, Andre blew it," Ventura all but laughed as the bell rang. "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout as the result of a countout, Earthquake!" came the official decision.

"An unfortunate turn of events here for Andre the Giant, who was distracted by Jake the Snake somewhere around here...oh no, look at this, Earthquake off the apron and down hard on the Giant's back!" McMahon grimaced, "Earthquake pounding away on Andre; the match is over, there's no reason for this!"

"He's frustrated too, McMahon; he may have won, but he didn't want to win by countout; he wants to beat the Giant fairly."

"This is not fair at all; Andre being pummeled after the match is over, and Earthquake now grabbing the leg and twisting it! Earthquake dropping, oh no, his full weight onto Andre's leg, and now he picks up the timekeepers' table and smashes it over Andre...!"

"Bye bye, coward!" Jimmy shouted through his megaphone at the fallen Andre. He and Earthquake laughed as they left the ring area-laughter that was soon joined by Roberts' over the loudspeakers. "Isn't it amazing what fear can do?" he mocked the Giant, "And the thing is, Andre, I can do an awful lot more to cause fear than this. I'd like you to see how, and see it you will. Trust me. _Trust me..." _

He laughed coldly in closing. "Jake the Snake making it clear his game with Andre has only just begun," McMahon shook his head in disgust, "Andre the loser by countout in this one; we'll be back with more WWF action right after this..."


	4. Chapter 4

"He's a madman, he's got to be stopped," Andre was mumbling to himself on the bench in the locker room.

"Look at it this way, Andre; he's not going to bother you any more today since he's not in the battle royal, and the more he keeps it up, the more penalties he's going to face-anything?" from his position over the Giant, Bret turned to Davey as his brother-in-law (plus Mathilda) came in through the door.

"He's not up there anymore," the British Bulldog shook his head, "Sound engineer was out cold; said he'd been hit from behind. I had Mathilda help search every inch of the upstairs, and then backstage," he rubbed his pet's sides, "No sign of Roberts there; he must have left the building by now."

"Attention please," came the voice over the intercom, "All participants in the forty man battle royal for Wrestling Challenge, please line up at the curtain for your entrance; the match will begin in two minutes."

"That's my cue," Andre stood up and stretched.

"You absolutely sure you want to go through with it, Andre?" Bret asked with a concerned look, "He did give you a big shock earlier; don't want to risk aggravating your heart..."

"I feel just fine, Hitman," Andre insisted firmly, "Your father always says don't disappoint the fans; they're all out there waiting for me; I'm not letting them down."

"If you insist," Davey nodded in agreement, "Just take it easy in there, OK?"

"I'll do my part; you just do yours," the Giant told them in parting as he left the locker room. The Bulldog shot a glance at the Hitman. "Think we ought to keep an eye on the ring just in case Jake does try something?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Absolutely," Bret nodded worriedly, "When Jake has his eyes set on striking someone, he doesn't stop until, in his own words, they're good and poisoned."

He waved his brother-in-law and Mathilda out the door after Andre, who stood at the back of the line of the participants for the upcoming battle royal by the curtain. It was at this moment the attendant at the curtain gave the signal to Greg Valentine at the front of the line. With a wide grin, the Hammer stepped through the curtain, followed one by one by the rest of the participants, Andre trying to force a firm expression on his face as he stepped through last. "Don't mind us, we're just watching," Bret told the attendant as he and Davey reached the curtain themselves and stuck their heads through. "You watch the ring; I'll check out the stands," the Hitman told the Bulldog, "And you, bark if you see Jake or Damien anywhere," he told Mathilda, who merely huffed loudly in apparent acquiesence.

* * *

><p>Andre, as he climbed into the ring, found himself staring face to face with one of the greener rookies, one John Callahan. He'd pretty much lost every match he'd fought so far, but there was a strong streak of toughness in the kid, and the moment the bell rang to start the battle royal, he launched himself right at the Giant with a barrage of left and right hooks. Andre, though, shrugged them off and decked him down hard to the mat; he'd seen enough overeager rookies over the years to know how to avoid their attacks, and stepped back more than enough so that Callahan's next punch missed him by a mile. He seized Callahan around the waist, gave him an atomic drop, and then picked him up and hurled him over the top rope, one of several greener wrestlers that were already being thrown out. He nodded firmly; one foe out of the way.<p>

His next, coming straight at him, would likely be a little trickier. 'Dangerous' Danny Davis, although not exactly outstanding in the ring, had established himself as a generally respectable wrestler since he had taken up the craft after being banned for life from refereeing for corruption. He hit Andre with a series of hard blows to the chest and rammed his head into his chest repeatedly, trying to force him out of the ring that way. Andre slammed the palm down on Davis's back to stop that attack and tossed him into a group of other wrestlers, knocking them all down like bowling pins. Several jumped straight at Andre; he swatted them all away. Davis was priority number one at the moment. He hauled the crooked former referee to the corner, smashed his face into the turnbuckle several times, and then strained to lift him out of the ring. Davis resisted and resisted as best he could, but Andre was too strong for him, and in about thirty seconds he too went flying out of the ring.

Andre, though had little time to relax, as he was nailed twice from behind. He turned to see not one but two old foes: the Mongolian terror Killer Khan, who'd broken his leg several years ago, and former Olympic champion Ken Patera, who along with the venomous Big John Studd (not participating in this battle royal, perhaps mercifully for his own sake), had humiliated Andre by cutting his hair on national television. Both men headbutted the Giant in unison, nodded at each other, and tried to dropkick him out of the ring. Andre swayed against the ropes, but stayed in. His arms, however, became locked in the ropes, immobilizing him. Khan and Patera started kicking him hard, and were soon joined in this by an equally eager 'Cowboy' Bob Orton. Andre twisted his arms trying to get loose, and finally, after taking a tremendous amount of punishment, managed to do so. All three of his attackers immediately backpedalled, but Andre rushed them, shoved them all down like dominoes, and splashed them. He picked up Khan first and immediately flung him out, pushed aside an attacking Rick Martel as the Model tried to gang-rush him, then planted a foot on Patera's chest while he hauled Orton up. He twisted the Cowboy's arm hard, slammed his back down hard across his knee, and tossed him out as well. Finally, he flung Patera into the corner, splashed him, and started dragging him around by the hair. "How do you like it, huh?" he snarled at the former Olympic champion, "Not so nice when someone messes with your hair, huh?"

Patera could only howl in agony. Andre hefted him up over his head, dropped him hard to the mat, then picked him up again and threw him out. He glanced around the ring to see it greatly thinned out now. He was doing quite well so far-but of course battle royals were his specialty anyway.

He barely had time to think, for the Outlaw Ron Bass was running at him fast, arms outstretched. Andre flattened him with a clothesline and started stomping on his back. In a way, the battle royal was almost TOO easy thus far...

"Hey Andre," came a cold hiss behind him. Andre spun in time to see a flash of green by the ropes, and the next thing he knew, Damien was sliding to a stop at his feet, hissing loudly. His eyes widening, he stumbled backwards away from the python in terror...

...right over the top rope and out of the ring. He'd eliminated himself, he realized grimly, and just when he was doing good. Of all the foolish mistakes...!

But he had no time to react before suddenly finding Damien landing on top of him. He shrieked loudly and tried to swipe the snake off himself. "Yeah, scream like a little girl, Andre, I love to hear it," Roberts' voice came up loudly behind him, seconds before he was kicked in the back and sent sprawling to the mats, Damien still slithering all over him. "See this face?" Roberts held his pet's face right into the Giant's, "If you don't get out of wrestling soon, buster, you'll be seeing this face a lot more than..."

"Get out of here!" came Bret's voice from behind, accompanied by Mathilda barking. Andre watched blankly as Roberts was struck from behind and sent sprawling. Damien was yanked off the Giant and hurled at his master. "Take your pet and get out of here!" Davey reiterated the threat to Roberts, "Or would you like Mathilda climbing all over _you!" _

The bulldog growled menacingly at the Snake, who snatched Damien up and indeed stumbled towards the aisle. "You two just dug yourselves a big grave!" he snarled at the two broher-in-laws as he backed down the aisle, "You interfere in my work again, and it'll be something a lot more deadlier than Damien crossing your path, understand!"

"You do your 'work' again, Jake, and you'll be excellently executed like you can't believe! Now get!" Bret charged towards Roberts to speed up his departure from the arena. "You all right, Andre?" he returned to Andre's side to help Davey help the Giant up.

"Where was he?" was all Andre could mumble.

"He was hiding under the ring; I guess he was listening to the footsteps above him, honed in on the heaviest as yours, and waited until you were close to him before popping out and throwing Damien at you," the British Bulldog told him, "You OK?"

"Just my pride. Now if you'll excuse me," his head hung low in shame, Andre lumbered slowly towards the aisle. "Oh my," Davey mumbled softly to Bret, "I think it's a lot more than his pride's that hurt with this..."

* * *

><p>"Andre? Andre, you in there, amigo?"<p>

Andre looked up to see Tito Santana standing in front of him inside the exercise room at Hulette's Wrestling Emporium. "Snap out of it, man," Tito told him worriedly, "It was just one match. Come on, I need someone to spar with."

"Sorry; just not up it to," the Giant shook his head softly.

"But Andre, you can't..."

"I don't feel like it," Andre said firmly. Tito shook his head and walked off. Andre lowered his head into his hands, frustrated.

"Andre," it was Elizabeth now, sitting down on the bench next to him, "Andre, you can't get so hard on yourself. It's not your fault..."

"I shouldn't be letting it get to me like this," Andre mumbled softly, "But I can't help it. Every time I see his snake..."

"Andre, no one said it was going to be easy," the First Lady of Wrestling put an arm around him sympathetically, "You can't overcome fears overnight. But I think you can if you give yourself time."

"I don't know, Elizabeth," Andre shook his head, "It may be too hard and too late..."

"Don't think that, Andre; it's never too late to change. Look at Randy; I didn't think he could change from what he was with Sherri, but he did change, and look how wonderful he is now."

"Well of course he changed for you, Elizabeth; you're too sweet not to change for."

"Oh Andre," she blushed, "Come on," she waved him up, "Maybe some workouts will make you feel better."

"Well, I guess," he shrugged, rising. He trudged over to his locker, set the combination, and opened the door...

...and jumped back with a loud cry, that was amplified by Elizabeth's scream. For the locker was filled with snakes of every variety, slithering all around inside. "What, what?" Savage came running into the workout room in a flash. "So!" he declared, seeing Roberts' handiwork, "He's stooping this low now, is he?"

"How did he get in?" Elizabeth was taking deep breaths to calm herself, "I swear the building was locked when we all came in...!"

"Well I don't care; the point is, he's gone too far this time, yeah! Nobody does this to the manager of the Macho Man and gets away with it, yeah!" Savage looked furious, "Andre, come with me," he gestured at the Giant, "We're going to pay the Snakeman a little visit...!"

"I don't know, Macho..." Andre looked hesitant.

"And Randy, there's no telling where he is..." Elizabeth tried to tell her husband.

"Oh I got an idea where he is; I know where he hangs out," Savage took hold of Andre's hand and dragged him towards the door, "And the big guy and I aren't gonna just give him a piece of our minds for this, we're gonna give him the whole thing, oh yeah!"


	5. Chapter 5

"IIIIIIIIIIIII LLOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUU!" bellowed the red-faced preacher in the white suit from the pulpit in front of the rows of mourners at Paul Bearer's funeral parlor. "We are gathered here today," he all but shrieked at the rop of his lungs, "to honor the life and career of Brother Justin Kaase," he gestured at the coffin behind him, "thanks to the services of my good friend Brother Bearer," he nodded at the mortician to his left. "Now, Brother Kaase was a man whom you might say had a..."

Suddenly the doors were flung open in the back of the room. "All right, where is he!" a wild-eyed Savage bellowed at the top of his lungs. "Sorry, folks, this is personal business," he apologized to the shocked mourners, "Just go about...what you're doing. Come on, Andre."

He waved the Giant into the room. "What do you think you're doing interrupting Brother Love's eulogy!" demanded the preacher, "I've given my...!"

"Give it a rest and mind your own business, Brother Love; back to work!" Savage stuck a warning finger in Brother Love's face and pointed back to the crowd. He grabbed Bearer by the tie and dragged the mortician into a back room, Andre cautiously right behind him. "OK Bearer, where's Jake the Snake!" he ordered Bearer once they were alone.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Bearer tried to say.

"Don't give me that, smart guy; I know that reptile hangs out with you and the Undertaker here all the time!" the Macho Man shouted in his face, "Now, if you're lying to me, Andre and I are going to fold you into a Tic-Tac dispenser, and...!"

"Give it a rest, Savage; I'm right here," Roberts walked out of the nearest closet, Damien slung over his shoulders. "Oh, leaving so soon, Andre," he sneered at the Giant, taking several large steps backwards and twitching nervously, "After I heard all the big fuss you and your life partner here made in coming in...?"

"Shut the hell up!" Savage grabbed him by the collar, "I ain't scared of Damien, you reptile, and I sure ain't scared of you, yeah!"

"I suppose there's a point in trying to assault me, Savage?" the Snake flashed an innocent look.

"Don't you dare play coy with me," Savage warned him, "I think you'd better explain why Andre's locker was the stage for Damien's high school reunion this morning! How'd you get in there and set that up, I wanna know!"

"Mr. Savage, please, I think you're scaring my patrons out there," Bearer gestured back towards the main room.

"You stay outta this until I talk to you!" Savage warned him in turn. "You scared Andre half to death, and you scared Elizabeth too, and that is something I can never forget, and that is something I can never forgive!" he bellowed at Roberts.

"So what if I did put the snakes you claim were in the locker in there?" Roberts shrugged, unconcerned, "It's not my fault your old lady can't face her own fears any more than this oversized coward can," he gestured contemptuously at Andre in the corner.

"I'm not a coward..." Andre managed to say as bravely as he could, even though he was trying to avoid looking at Damien.

"Oh sure, if what the Macho Madman's saying is true, I'm sure you freaked out as much as you did when you met Damien the last time you were in the ring," the Snake snorted, "I don't know why Savage here even bothered to drag you along for this..."

"Because, Snakeman, he and I hereby challenge you to a match!" seeing Roberts' poisonous snake glove laying on the closet floor, Savage bustled over, picked it up, and whipped Roberts across the face with it, "He and I versus you and whoever else you choose, be it the Deadman or whoever, next Saturday's Superstars taping! And if we win, you back off for good!"

Roberts burst into a laugh. "You're even stupider than you look if you think you've got half a chance against me even with that oversized coward covering your back," he pointed derisively at Andre again, "But I like your bravado, Savage. So yeah, you've got a match. But so you know, the outcome will not be pretty when the Undertaker and I get through with both of you."

"We'll see about that," Savage growled softly, "I'll see you in Jack Tunney's office first thing tomorrow to sign that contract, and you better not no-show it, or Andre and I are coming for you, and that won't be pretty either, yeah!"

"Hey, I agreed; I'll be there," Roberts raised his arm as if under oath, "Just one more thing before you go, though."

"What!" Savage got his answer as Roberts unexpectedly flung Damien in his and Andre's direction. With a loud cry, Andre barrelled backwards, crashing right through and leaving a hole in the wall, and again stopping a frustrated Brother Love in mid-eulogy. "Why you...!" Savage snatched up Damien and flung the python back at Roberts. He started towards him, but it was then that the Undertaker appeared from around the corner and strode up to Roberts' side. _"Get out, now_," the Deadman hissed menacingly.

"I was leaving anyway," Savage glared at both of them as he walked out after Andre, "But neither of you better back out of this, or else!"

* * *

><p>"Let me just say first and foremost that it's been my mission as president of the WWF to crack down on blood feuds such as what appears to be case between all the parties here," Jack Tunney frowned between the two camps at the table in the conference room at the WWF corporate building, "I've always felt that any and all matches should be in the pursuit of sport and not spill out of the ring into personal matters. Nevertheless, since both sides have made it clear they want this match on the next Superstars of Wrestling, I'll give my consent to it."<p>

"Thank you, Mr. Tunney, I think you're making the right decision," Savage told him with respectful deference.

"I certainly hope so, Randy. And to make sure of it, taking into account the circumstances in question," Tunney turned to frown at Roberts, "I am sanctioning this match under the firm condition that there will be no snakes whatsoever at ringside for this match. Is that clear, Jake?"

"Not even Damien?"

"Not even Damien. You still want this, Jake?"

"Of course I want it. Give me that contract," Roberts snatched the match contract off the company president and signed his name on it. "Here you go, brother," he handed it to Bearer to sign for himself and the Undertaker, who was slouched in the farthest chair down the row, staring blankly but intently into space. "No snakes at ringside..." Roberts mused softly to himself again.

"That's the stipulation, Jake; you violate this, and I will suspend you again," Tunney warned him.

"Cross my heart, Tunney; there'll be no snakes in the corner," Roberts raised his hand again with an innocent expression on his face. "Here," he shoved the contract towards Elizabeth on the other side of the table. "Yeah, sign it nice and good," he mumbled in her direction as she did so, "Dear Randy says if he wins, I don't bother you or the big, scaredy cat Giant again; well, if we win, let just say, _anything_ goes..."

"Anything does NOT go, Jake," Tunney glared at him, "You'll also be suspended if you lay even one finger on Elizabeth at any point during or after the match."

"And then, I'll kill with my bare hands if you do...!" Savage glowered darkly at him.

"Randy, please, I'll handle the disciplinary actions if it comes to that," Tunney dissuaded him, "I don't want to have to suspend you either, understood?"

"Understood," Savage nodded, signing the contract himself. He passed it along to Andre, who hesitated and looked across the table at the smugly grinning Roberts for a few seconds, but them signed the contract anyway and returned it to Tunney. "All right, everything appears to be in order here," the company president nodded after examining the document, "I'd like everyone ready on Saturday for the match; in the meantime, I'd advise all of you to keep your distances from each other until then; I don't want anything from this spilling out of the ring and harming the WWF's image to the public."

"Oh yeah, God forbid we scare the little kiddies...!" Roberts muttered under his breath.

"That will be all, Jake," Tunney glared at him, "You may go now, all of you."

He leaned back in his seat as everyone got up to leave. "Andre," he held up his hand at the Giant before he could leave, "Have a seat. I'd like a little word with you before you go."

Frowning, Andre say back down. "Andre, I don't quite know how to say this," Tunney did in fact look conflicted, "I'm really worried about you continuing on if you're not careful about your health."

"I'll be fine, Mr. Tunney," Andre tried to force a confident expression, "You said no snakes in the corner..."

"I did, but I'm worried about the larger picture too. Andre," Tunney got up and started slowly pacing in a circle, "You've been wrestling for a long, long time now. Have you ever thought about...what I'm trying to say..."

"You want me to quit?" the Giant's eyes grew wide.

"Well, not in those exact words, but...Andre, you could have died in the ring when Jake threw his snake on you that first time. The last thing I or anyone here in the WWF wants to see is someone as legendary as you dying in the ring for anything. I know you want to prove yourself again, to show Jake you're better than him, but Andre, there's little in life that's worth risking a wrestler's health repeatedly. Now if you do want to ever step aside, I can assure you a position either as an announcer, or a booker or something behind the scenes..."

"I won't quit," Andre rose up, a firm expression on his face, "Wrestling is my life, Mr. Tunney, I can't just stop...!"

"I'm not surprised you feel that way, but Andre, we all have to stop eventually. We all grow old in the end, and the body simply can't take much more," Tunney put a hand on the Giant's shoulder, "I'll respect whatever decision you make, but keep in mind, I'm offering you good advice here. And after everything you've done to further the sport of wrestling over the years, it would be a terrible shame for anything to happen to you in the ring. Just think this over, OK?"

"OK," Andre mumbled softly, "Good day, Mr. Tunney."

He slouched out of the office, his head hung low. Suddenly, for the first time in his life, even after he'd been bitten by the snake as a child, he felt so completely mortal...so completely old...


	6. Chapter 6

ONE WEEK LATER...

"...we welcome you back here to Superstars of Wrestling; another terrific show almost over," McMahon proclaimed to the viewing audience, "All right, coming your way to close out the show, the much anticipated tag team match between the team of Andre the Giant and Macho Man Randy Savage, and that of Jake 'the Snake' Roberts and the Undertaker; ever since Jake attacked Andre with Damien some time ago and sent him to the hopsital, the Giant has been hoping for the chance to face him again in the ring."

"Oh really?" Ventura snorted next to him, "From what I hear, McMahon, Macho basically dragged a terrified Andre into this match; the Giant's a total ball of terror and wants nothing to do with Jake, so he's a coward, and Macho's an idiot."

"Maybe from your point of view, Jesse; from mine, Randy Savage is simply trying to help his friend Andre overcome that fear...and Andre need not worry, for as we've been informed in the interoffice memo prior to taping, there will be no snakes allowed at ringside for this match. Let's take you now backstage to Gene Okerlund, who is with Jake the Snake and the Undertaker."

Backstage, Okerlund looked a bit nervous to be with the three men standing next to him. "All right," he nonetheless began the interview as professionally as he could, "Paul Bearer, your team here has made it clear you intend to put Andre the Giant and Randy Savage in their places once and for all with this match; what is your strategy to accomplish this?"

"I'll take this, Paul," Roberts took the microphone himself, "It's quite simple, Okerlund; we play off the fear those two cowards have for the Undertaker and myself; fear can destroy even the best of us, eat us alive, and although neither of those two are willing to admit it, they're scared stiff of us."

"But let's not forget the dictum handed down for this match, Jake Roberts, namely that you have been expressly barred from bringing any snakes whatsoever to ringside," Okerlund reminded him.

"The snake in the bag is only a nuisance, a toy for me to play with; fact is," Roberts glared straight into the camera, "I'M the snake you have to watch out for, _Andre, Randy_ (he said their names as if they were diseases). I can remember how eagerly the two of you came barging into my domain wanting this match, but you didn't stop to think about what you're getting in to, because this man," he pointed at the Undertaker, "Is Death incarnate, and I," he leered into the camera again, "am the devil. And when Death and the devil get together, there will always be hell on earth breaking loose. Trust me. _Trust me..." _

He laughed hard. "Come, it is time," Bearer waved his two companions towards the curtain as Roberts' theme music kicked in over the loudspeakers. "All right, Vince, Jake the Snake says he and the Undertaker are unstoppable force; we'll see in a minute just how accurate their assessment of their talent today is," Okerlund shivered again, "Back to you."

"All right, Gene, and I understand how you feel; those two make me nervous too," back at the broadcast position, McMahon shivered as well at the sight of the three men entering to the announcement, "The following match is a tag team special, scheduled for one fall. First, approaching the ring, accompanied by Paul Bearer, at a total combined weight of 567 pounds, the team of Jake 'the Snake' Roberts and the Undertaker!" "A hush following over this capacity crowd as the unholy trio make their way to the ring," McMahon continued, "This, Jesse, is a bit unusual, seeing the Undertaker not entering to that usual haunting tune of his, and just as unusual for Jake the Snake not to be carrying that bag with him."

"Well, Andre and Savage still need to keep their guard up; Jake's just as deadly a snake as Damien or whoever else he carries in the bag, like he just said backstage."

"Both men looking grimly determined as they enter the ring; Paul Bearer laying down those bodybags he brings with him on the sides; that one does look somewhat kingsized there, although I don't know if it would be big enough to hold Andre-and speaking of which," he proclaimed as the music switched to Pomp and Circumstance, accompanied by the announcement, "And, their opponents, to be led to the ring by the First Lady of Wrestling, Elizabeth, at a total combined weight of 715 pounds, the team of Andre the Giant and 'Macho Man' Randy Savage!" "A loud applause for the Macho Man and Andre, and of course Elizabeth looking lovelier than ever today," McMahon praised the team.

"Go on McMahon, go ahead and sleep with her; we all know you want to..."

"Jesse, please; I have no such inclination to do that, and this is a family broadcast," McMahon scolded him.

"Oh yeah, the same old rules of play nice and stay within the lines even if..."

"Macho Man gesturing hard at Jake the Snake; he wants him right off the bat," McMahon ignored him, "Jake with a confident expression as he steps forward-and a sucker-kick to the chest as we get underway! Jake the Snake drags the Macho Man over to the corner, lifts him up in the air-oh no, he dropped him throat-first on the top of the ringpost!" he grimaced, "Jake the Snake draping Savage's throat on the bottom rope, and now jumping up and down on his back; come on referee, break this up! And Jake shouting what appear to be cold words at Elizabeth outside; he'd better watch it if he wants to avoid a suspension."

"So what, he's not hurting Elizabeth."

"But he will have the book thrown at him if he so much as tries. Jake Roberts whips the Macho Man into the corner, now rushes in-no, Savage jumps out of the way in time, and now Savage smashing Roberts' head into the turnbuckle repeatedly. Cold fury in Randy Savage's eyes as he gives the Snake a backbreaker, and now-yes, he gives the finger twirl and goes over the top rope; Roberts snaps back hard into the ring!"

"He just loves torturing Roberts with that move, doesn't he; he's given it to him in ever single match the two of them have been in together."

"It's worked so far, so I see no reason to change course. Randy Savage going up to the top rope; here comes the flying elbow already...no, Jake rolls away, and no one home. Jake the Snake crawling to his corner, and a tag to the Undertaker, who lumbers in and picks Savage up by the hair, and a big body slam. Undertaker flings Savage into the ropes, and now the big boot to the face takes him down again. A look of deep concern on the face of the lovely Elizabeth outside the ring, watching her man now getting tossed hard into the corner, and here comes...no, Savage gets the legs up and stops the Undertaker in his tracks! Randy Savage now going up to the top rope, and here comes the elbow-yes! The cover: one, two...Undertaker kicks out at the last minute. Savage now has the Deadman by the beard and giving that finger twirl again, another top rope decapitation coming up-yes! Undertaker flying back flat on his back; this crowd's going crazy!"

"I'll give Savage some credit, McMahon, it takes a lot to get the big guy off his feet-but notice he's getting right back up again."

"Paul Bearer holding that urn up high to get his man reenergized, I think, and the Undertaker quickly back to his feet. Savage going up to the top rope again, the elbow coming once more...no, Undertaker catches him in mid-air, and now a tremendous bodyslam! Cover: one, two...Savage escapes at the last possible minute. Undertaker flings Savage into the ropes, swings a...no, Savage ducks underneath the blow and makes the tag to Andre! The Giant entering the ring, glances hard at Jake the Snake to make sure he's not going to interfere, and now a hard right hook to the Undertaker's face. Undertaker throws one back; the two of them going at it tooth and nail now in the middle of the ring; let's see who gets the upper hand in this one."

"Well, we know that since nothing can hurt the Phenom, he'll last longer than Andre."

"But not for long; Andre yanks him close and fell him with a short clothesline! Andre stomps on the Undertaker's chest, now drops the elbow as well-and hooks the leg for the cover: one, two...no, Jake with the diving save from outside-and Andre grabs him and lifts him off the ground!" McMahon roared along with half the arena, "Andre with a firm expression now that he knows no snakes are allowed at ringside-and he hurls Jake clean out of the ring!"

"But he's taking his eyes off the Phenom, and look out, here he comes from behind..."

"Undertaker with a hard double axhandle to the back of Andre's head that keels him forward. Undertaker raining down the blows, but Andre not going down...and Andre turns and flattens the Deadman with one hard blow! Andre getting encouragement from Elizabeth outside the ring, now he whips the Undertaker into the ropes, and down the Deadman goes again with a big boot to the face! Paul Bearer raising that urn again and commanding his man to get up, and the Undertaker in fact getting back to his feet right away..."

"Like I said, McMahon, he feels no pain at all."

"Andre right back on top of the Undertaker, raining down the hard blows on his back, trying to get...wait a minute, what's going on out there?" McMahon frowned, leaning forward in his seat to try and make out what was going on on the far outside of the ring, "Jake the Snake down on the floor, reaching around under the ring like he's looking for something; let's see if we can get a camera over there to...Jake the Snake pulling what looks like some kind of remote control device out from under the ring; he pulls up an antenna and adjusts some dials, what's this all about...?"

"I kept my word, Tunney," Roberts, noticing the camera watching him, leered straight into it, "No snakes in the corner at all..."

He pressed a large red button on the control panel. Instantly, there was a loud, smoky explosion directly above the ring, and seconds later, dozens of serpents of every size came cascading down into the ring. No fewer than half a dozen landed on top of Andre, who immediately went white and started shrieking, clutching his heart as he slumped backwards into the ropes. The Undertaker dove quickly on top of him, but the referee, after hastily brushing several snakes off himself, waved for the bell without bothering to count. "Total chaos in the ring; somebody get those snakes out of here before somebody gets bitten!" McMahon roared, "Andre, I think Andre is out cold; he may have just suffered another heart attack...!"

"Well, it's his own fault, McMahon; he had to be the hero and come back too early," Ventura said dismissively.

"Are you condoning what Jake the Snake just did!" McMahon angrily dressed him down, "If Andre has suffered another heart attack, that animal is entirely to...oh no, Undertaker stomping hard on the chest of the fallen Andre, perhaps causing even more coronary damage!" he grimaced, "The bell still ringing; this has to be a disqualification on Jake and the Undertaker for what just happened. Macho Man barrelling into the ring, shoving the Undertaker off Andre as we see a phalanx of officials heading down to ringside to try and get all these snakes out of here. Randy Savage and the Undertaker shoving each other hard-but here comes Jake into the ring with a steel chair-oh no, smashes Randy Savage across the back of the head! And now he hooks-he's going for the DDT! There's no cause for this, the match is over...!"

"But he's going to give it anyway, and here it comes..."

"Elizabeth on the apron, she's pleading for Jake not to do it; Jake gives her a cold look-and there's the DDT! Savage now out as well-and oh come on, Roberts draping a boa constrictor, it looks like over the Macho Man; this is just plain disgusting! And here comes World Wrestling Federation President Jack Tunney up the aisle, and he looks justifiably angry by what's just happened. Tunney furiously waving Jake the Snake over; I believe, yes, he appears to be telling Jake that he's on suspension without pay until the Royal Rumble next month; I couldn't agree with this decision more. Roberts look unconcerned-and look that, he spits at Jack Tunney's feet as he follows the Undertaker and Paul Bearer out! This man has no respect for anyone or anything!"

"Hey, he walks to his own beat, McMahon, and anyone who tells him otherwise stands the risk of getting bitten."

"I cannot believe how you can condone anything this man has done in the last two or three minutes, Jesse! Jack Tunney now climbing into the ring, waving medical crews in to treat both Andre and Randy Savage, both of whom are out cold in the middle of the ring."

The bell rang once more. "Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this bout, as the result of a disqualification, the team of Andre the Giant and Randy 'Macho Man' Savage," came the official match pronouncement. "Andre and the Macho Man the winners in this one, but both men still lying flat on the mat-and Jesse, Andre does not appear to be moving at all; he just might have suffered another coronary event," McMahon was grim-faced.

"Look at Elizabeth; she's in tears not knowing who to help first."

"Well, she cares for both men sincerely, so of course this would be a difficult moment for her. Elizabeth approaching Andre, who's being dragged with great effort onto a stretcher outside the ring; the medics appear to be telling her that the Giant's going to need more serious attention, which just confirms what we've feared. Anguish evident on Elizabeth's face as she now approaches the Macho Man and helps him up; he at least looks to be reasonably OK despite taking a chair shot and then the DDT. And going back to Andre, Jesse, I do have to wonder with what we're seeing if this has been his last match; one has to wonder if he'll be cleared to wrestle again after this."

"Well if not, he has nothing to be upset about; he's had one of the best careers in the history of wrestling, even though I've never particularly cared for him that much..."

"Because he's one of Hulk Hogan's friends, and any friend of Hogan is your enemy, is that it?" McMahon glared at him.

"So what? It's Andre's fault if he thought Hogan was going to make his career any better if he sucked up to him," the Body countered. McMahon rolled his eyes in disgust. "All right, Andre and the Macho Man being taken out of the ring, while WWF officials continue to try and collect all of Jake Roberts' snakes before they can bite or otherwise attack anyone. We will again keep you informed of any information we receive about Andre the Giant's condition, and of course will hope for the best for him, after this terrible ending to what may well have been his final match...


	7. Chapter 7

Andre slowly opened his eyes. "What happened?" he mumbled softly, noticing his teammates, and several medics with defibrilators, standing around him in the medical room backstage.

"Jake got the drop on you again, brother, literally. Glad you pulled through, though; we were worried there for a while," Hulk did in fact look relieved.

"Where is he?" the Giant rose upright, a look of cold determination on his face, "I'm going to...!"

"Easy there, Mr. Rousimoff," one of the medics pushed him back down, "Best not to get too excited there; you just went through a major shock; best not to let your heart get too overworked after what it just went through."

"Listen to the man, Andre," Bret firmly advised him, "There's no point in rushing off, right after Jake's been...Mr. Tunney," he greeted the WWF president as he entered the medical room, a solemn look on his face, "He's awake again."

"So I see," Tunney gave a small nod. "Andre," he told the Giant with a firm expression, "I'm sorry to say that after what's happened today, I have no choice but to put you on indefinite medical leave for your own..."

"Please Mr. Tunney, I can't...I said wrestling was my life...I promise I won't...!" Andre desperately begged, fear coming back to his face.

"I'm sorry, Andre; part of me doesn't want to do this after how much you've done for the company, but circumstances right now show you're in too much of a health risk right now," Tunney shook his head firmly, "I told you I don't want to see you dropping dead in the ring, and that almost happened earlier. Now don't worry about Roberts; he's on unpaid suspension until the Royal Rumble for the stunt he pulled, and he's under my strict instructions not to come anywhere near you or bring any snakes anywhere near you during that time, until penalty of expulsion from the WWF, and...hey!"

In a flash, Andre rose up off the gurney and pushed past the medical staff towards the door. "Andre, where do you think you're going!" Tunney demanded, "You're in no condition to...!"

"If I have to face the fear to get back in, Mr. Tunney, I'll go and face the fear, and you won't stop me!" the Giant insisted strongly, pushing past the guards posted outside as well.

"Andre, come back here, you're only making this worse!" Tunney ordered him. Andre did not stop and was soon out of sight. The WWF president slapped both hands to his face and sighed deeply. "If he starts something that gets himself killed..." he mumbled in frustration.

"Elizabeth and I'll get him back, Mr. Tunney," Savage offered, looking a little guilty, "Since I got him into this afternoon's match in the first place, it's probably my responsibility to make sure nothing bad happens to him."

"I'd greatly appreciate it, Randy, but if he drives off, I'm sure where you'd find him," Tunney pointed out.

"Oh don't worry about that, Mr. Tunney," Savage assured him, taking his bride's hand and leading her out the door, "I got a pretty good idea where he's going, yeah."

* * *

><p>It was about twenty minutes later that Andre stepped out of the taxi in front of Bearer's funeral parlor again. Night had fallen, and a brisk breeze was blowing, making the funeral parlor seem more ominous than usual. Andre approached the front door and glanced through the window. No one was visible inside. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door down off its hinges and hesitantly stepped inside. "Roberts?" he called out into the dark parlor, "It's me, Andre. I know you're in here; come out and face me like a man!"<p>

There was no response at all. Andre quickly fumbled for the light switch on the wall, and then the same inside the main viewing room, now empty. "I'm not afraid, Roberts," he declared, "You and the Deadman can't scare me any more. I want to end this now; come on out, just you, me, and Damien. I want you and that snake now, you hear me, Roberts?"

Again no answer. Andre plopped down in one of the chairs facing the coffin stand. "I'm going to sit right here until I get you, Roberts," he called out firmly, folding his hands across his chest...

...when suddenly, the floor abruptly gave way beneath him, and he found himself tumbling down into space. He landed with a thud on a cold, stone floor. "What happened?" he demanded, glancing around the pitch-dark room he seemed to be in at the moment.

"Welcome, Mr. Giant," came Bearer's leering voice through the air, as if over a loudspeaker. Andre turned and saw the mortician's pale face in the porthole window of the room. "Welcome to my funeral parlor, Mr. Giant," Bearer reiterated coldly, "Forgive that little entrance slide; my Undertaker and I have to make sure we aren't bothered at inopportune times by people we don't like to be bothered by, such as yourself."

"I want Roberts!" Andre demanded sharply, "I want him now, Bearer, or...!"

"Hold your water, I'm right here, Andre," Roberts' cold face replaced Bearer's at the window. "Well, well, someone still wants to be a man," the Snake all but laughed at him, "I must say, Andre, I'm really scared."

"You should be scared, Roberts, because I'm not going..." Andre froze stone still; something had brushed against his foot in the darkness. "What was that?" he mumbled, his heart rate skyrocketing.

"What indeed?" Roberts laughed coldly, "Why don't we just shed some light on the subject, then...?"

The lights blazed on in the room-and Andre's heart froze again. For dozens of snakes of every size and color were slithering all over the room, hissing menacingly-and more than a few looked poisonous. His eyes widening, Andre rushed for the door and yanked hard on the handle, but it did not give. "Aw, not quite as brave as you thought, big guy?" Roberts snickered at him, "Oh, sorry, but that door's not coming open; we knew you were coming ahead of time; this door's double locked with solid steel bars; I don't think even you can break that, my man, so just sit tight and say hello to all of Damien's friends. They've been eager to meet you-and once they have," he waved the Undertaker, who had a stone cold expression welded onto his own face, up to the window as well, "My good friend here, who I said before the match was Death Incarnate, would like to measure you for a king-sized coffin-yes, I know Tunney orders me to devenomize all of Damien's friends, but I just couldn't put them through that ordeal. And many of them are quite hungry, and haven't tasted giant flesh yet..."

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Andre bellowed, pounding frantically on the door, which still refused to give. He quickly backed away as an anaconda came slithering dangerously close to his leg. "Oh, I wouldn't shout if I were you; shouting just angers them all," Roberts laconically informed him, "So I'd just..."

A buzzer started ringing at a console against the back wall of the funeral parlor's basement behind the men outside. "What is this?" Bearer bustled over the console, Roberts and the Undertaker soon joining him. "Aha, more guests," the mortician grinned at the sight of the Savages hesitantly walking through the knocked-down front door.

"Yes, and just the guests I wanted to see," a dark smile crossed Roberts' lips. "Get back into position, brother," he told the Undertaker, who walked over to a lever on the wall. Roberts and Bearer turned their gaze back to the console. "...been here all right; Andre?" Savage called loudly upstairs.

"I don't like this, Randy," Elizabeth looked worried, "Maybe we should just call the police..."

"And if Andre needs any immediate help? I say we find him first; don't worry, that Snake ain't gonna do nothing to you as long as I'm here," Savage squeezed her hand encouragingly.

"Oh, how little do you know, Mr. Savage," Bearer snickered. "Stand by," he told the Undertaker, who seized hold of the lever. He watched the Savages walk across the floor towards another hidden trapdoor. "Don't, don't!" Andre, having heard the conversation from inside his chamber, begged the men.

"Oh, shut up!" Roberts barked at him, "It's not like you'll be able to do anything to stop us in there."

"I'm asking...AAAAAAAAHHHH!" Andre barrelled away from the door as a python descended from the rafters right by his face. Several snakes slithered towards him, a few rattlesnakes buzzing their rattles ominously. Andre slumped against the wall, his face wide and his muscles frozen.

"Get ready..." Bearer raised his hand at the Undertaker, waiting for both Savages to walk right over the trapdoor. Once they did, he ordered, "Now!" Immediately, the Undertaker pulled the lever, and a trapdoor opened over their heads. Two loud cries rang out above, getting progressively louder until both Savages landed with a hard thud on a stack of bodybags on the basement floor. "Welcome, Mr. Savage, Mrs. Savage; welcome to my funeral parlor," the mortician greeted them dryly.

"Where's...hey!" Savage roared as Roberts and the Undertaker grabbed Elizabeth and himself and dragged them backwards towards the wall, where their wrists were locked in restraints before they could resist. "What the hell's going on here, Snakeman!" the Macho Man roared at his sworn nemesis.

"What Paul and I always do to trespassers, Macho," Roberts retorted, slapping him across the face.

"Where's Andre?" Elizabeth demanded as calmly as she could muster, "If you've hurt...!"

"The Giant is nice and safe in that chamber there," Bearer pointed at it, "He got to meet Mr. Roberts's pet's friends, and they seem to like him a lot."

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Andre cried in terror again, stumbling back to the porthole with wide eyes-eyes that got wider when he saw who was being held prisoner now in the basement. "Let them go!" he demanded the funeral director.

"See what I mean? He likes them too," Bearer chuckled. "The Savages' new lodging, if you will," he instructed the Undertaker, who nodded gravely and walked out a nearby door. "You let us and him out of here now!" Savage bellowed at him, "Or I'll...!"

"You're in no position to order me around, Savage," Roberts told him coldly, "I'M the one with the power, and believe me, I'm going to use it right now. As you can see, I've already destroyed the mighty Giant for good," he gestured at the pale-faced Andre, "And now, I'm finally going to get the satisfaction of destroying the two people I hate most, namely both of you. So I thank you for have the stupid capacity for compassion to follow Andre here, so I can now do what I've wanted to for a long time now..."

The door to the basement burst open again. The Undertaker was wheeling in a pair of coffins. "Oh come on, this is starting to get out of hand!" there was undisguised anxiety in Savage's voice.

"The fun's just begun, Savage; these are just the Deadman's gifts for you two-and, it so happens, I have a gift of my own to give," Roberts opened one of the coffins, reached in, and pulled out...

"The glove..." Savage's eyes went wide at the sight of the familiar black glove.

"Yes, the glove, very astute of you," Roberts all but laughed as he slipped the glove on, "So, I guess you know that what comes next is an old friend..."

He reached into the coffin again and pulled out the ominous black bag. "You wouldn't!" Elizabeth looked terrified, "You can't do this; you've been banned from...!"

"I know what Tunney said: no cobras at ringside. Look around you, sister," Roberts gestured around the basement, "I sure as hell don't see any wrestling ring down here! So..."

He untied the bag and dumped the king cobra to the floor, where it hissed angrily at the Savages. "Now," Roberts bent down and picked it up with his gloved hand, "Since my friend here knows you so well already, Macho, I think it's time he got to meet the so-called First Lady of Wrestling up close."

"Don't you dare!" Savage roared, "You take that thing anywhere near her...!"

"Yeah, yeah, yell all you want, Savage, but it's not going to save her or you. As I said, I've been waiting for this for a long time now," a sick smile crossed Roberts' face as he slowly started forward Elizabeth. "Don't!" she begged desperately. "Andre!" she screamed to the Giant in the chamber, "Andre, do something!"

"Oh yeah, call for the big friendly giant to help; well, he's not riding to the princess's rescue any more than your valiant knight here!" Roberts kicked Savage contemptuously, "Aren't you, Andre?" he mockingly called to the Giant, his faced pressed in horror against the window of his cell, "How does it feel to be so helpless? Terrible, I know. So, do the only thing you can do, big man; watch and see how the devil's work is done. Trust me. _ Trust me..." _

He laughed coldly, ignoring Elizabeth's horrified scream as he started lowering the cobra towards her...


	8. Chapter 8

"NOOOOOOOO!" came the loud cry from the chamber. Suddenly, with a loud thud, the door broke open. Roberts and the others spun in shock to see Andre barrelling out. "You said that was breakout-proof, Paul...!" he berated the mortician.

"Hold it right...!" Bearer tried to stop Andre, but the Giant shoved him aside and rushed towards Roberts, who thrust the king cobra at him. His eyes wild, Andre seized the poisonous reptile by the tail, yanked it out of Roberts' hands, and flung it back into the coffin, slamming the lid shut. "You don't scare Elizabeth, you animal!" he roared at the Snake.

"And you don't throw stones at a man with a machine gun!" Roberts kicked at him, but Andre grabbed his leg in midair, picked him up, and slammed him down hard. "Stop him, stop him!" Roberts bellowed to Bearer and the Undertaker. The Deadman lunged at Andre, grabbing him around the throat. Andre hammered him with hard elbows in the chest, then ducked as Bearer swung an urn at him, hitting the Undertaker instead. "Oops, sorry," the mortician gulped, "I..."

With a roar, Andre lifted him up and flung him into the Undertaker, sending both of them toppling backwards into the cobraless coffin. Andre turned back to Roberts...

"All right, that's enough, big guy!" the Snake snarled, now with a rattlesnake in hand that he was holding dangerously close to Elizabeth's face, "You take one more step, and she's toast! I won't hesitate to...!"

In a flash, Savage kicked Roberts in a very painful place, making him drop the rattler. Andre rushed over, kicked the snake away, picked Roberts up and slammed him again. He then yanked the Savages' restraints open. "Go, get out of here!" the Macho Man pushed his wife towards the door. "All right, Snakeman!" he hauled Roberts to his feet, cold fury on his face, "Now it's MY turn!"

"Wait, let's talk this over...!" Roberts tried to beg his way out of the predicament.

"Talk this, you monster!" Savage kicked him hard in the chest. "Let him have it, Andre," he instructed the Giant.

"With pleasure, Macho," with a wide grin, Andre raised Roberts over his head and slammed him hard on top of the Undertaker and Bearer in the nearest coffin, making all three men groan hard. Savage slammed the lid down on them and held it down while gesturing for Andre to drag the heavy chamber door over. With a slight grimace, Andre threaded his way through the minefield of snakes now slithering all over the place, grabbed the door, and dropped it on top of the coffin, pinning the three men inside. "That should hold them good," he remarked firmly.

Indeed, Roberts was pushing hard against the lid, but couldn't raise it high at all to get out. "Let's see how you like being stuck in a closed space for a long time, yeah!" Savage taunted them. "Come on Andre, let's leave them in their own brew," he told the Giant, a look of gratitude on his face for saving Elizabeth and he, "Let's let the cops and animal control take it from here."

"Gladly, Macho," Andre, without looking at all the snakes around, followed Savage out of the room, paying no attention to Roberts' increasingly frantic cries behind them, "Hey, let me out of here, Savage; I can't stand the dark! Let me out, please...!"

* * *

><p>"...now that the Giant has left wrestling for good, the time is right for me to take his place among the immortals!" a riled up Ultimate Warrior was screaming in a disinterested Hulk's face back in the locker room.<p>

"He hasn't left for good, Warrior; he's just taking some time off as per Mr. Tunney's instructions," Hulk said wearily, "Now how many times do we have to tell you; you can't join us, OK?"

"You cannot deny me forever, Hogan!" the Warrior insisted grandly, ignoring Bret and Davey rolling their eyes in the corner, "You may protect the Giant, but his time has passed; the planets have aligned for my sun to rise, and I must take my place in the...!"

"What's this about my time being over?" Andre sounded upset as he pushed his way through the door. "Andre, good, you're back," Bret breathed a large sigh of relief. "See, Warrior, he's not going anywhere," he told the facepainted wrestler firmly, "So why don't you just move on and start your own clique?"

"You know he is old, his skills have diminished; he's on his last legs!" the Warrior insisted virilently, "And since your grouping is the most powerful, I must be part of it!"

"I'm washed up, huh?" insulted, Andre stepped towards the Warrior, "Well, why don't we put it to a test right now?"

"I will pass any test given to me," the Warrior insisted firmly.

"OK, then, buster," Savage pushed around Andre, "Pass this test. Face down what's inside this."

He shoved a bag at the Warrior. "That is nothing; I shall...!" the Warrior opened the bag-and screamed as a boa constrictor stuck its head out and hissed at him. He barrelled for the door in a flash. "Just like I thought, all hot air," the Macho Man chuckled. "Oh, Roberts wasn't gonna be using this one, so we figured we'd keep it for educational purposes," he told the rest of his teammates.

"Hold on...Andre, you're taking the snake pretty well," Davey noticed the Giant wasn't panicking at the sight of the boa-in fact, he seemed contented in its presence for a change.

"He's making such good progress already," a smiling Elizabeth entered the room, "And Randy and I owe him our lives."

"Oh do tell," Hulk grinned at his oversized colleague.

"Well, sort of," Andre blushed modestly. He related the events that had unfolded in the funeral parlor's basement. "Well, Andre, you should be proud of yourself," Bret commended him with a pat on the back, "When the going got tough, you faced down the fear, and that's a good first step to being stronger than it."

"You know, Hitman, these things aren't all that bad at all," Andre glanced down with relative calmness at the boa, "Nothing I'd like to have as a pet, but they sure aren't the devil. Especially if they aren't poisonous."

He dared to reach down and pick it up, and admired it in his palm. "Welcome back, Andre," Hulk smiled as he put an arm around the Giant, "It's good to have you back to normal again."

THE END


End file.
